"sabra"

check em out!

2008-06-02T14:17:00.004-04:00

I don't personally care for either video very much, but then again, I don't exactly like videos to begin with. I bought Santogold's album last night (i esp like that she's from Philly!) and a bunch of M.I.A.'s songs.

Here are my top favorite songs by each: (Santogold's whole album is excellent tho!)
Santogold: LES Artistes, You'll Find a Way, Creator, Shove It, I'm a lady, Lights Out
M.I.A.: Sunshowers, Paper Planes, Galang, Boyz, XR2

maybe i'd be better off alone

2008-06-02T13:54:00.002-04:00

Letting go is hard....especially when it pertains to matters of the heart. It's the exact reason I choose to not date. Life is just easier....even if I am alone....

the love of my life

2008-05-12T10:09:00.003-04:00

While i was in china, my one true love passed away. she was 16, 112 in doggie years. My Lacey lived a good life. I miss her. Everyone keeps asking me if i'm going to get another dog, but my Lacey can't be replaced with a new puppy. I must mourn for now.

fool i am?

2008-05-12T10:01:00.002-04:00

I'd like some advice on this one:

1. bf moves to another country
2. you tell bf all the time how much u love him, bf has never even uttered an i miss you, let a lone thoughts of love
3. other men, men that arent my bf, are happy to give me all the attention that my bf doesnt give me, yet, stupid me still only wants love and attention from one person: bf

actually, don't give me any advice. i already know what will be said....

karma

2008-04-10T16:52:00.002-04:00

Theory 1: I'm being dealt Karma. Bad Karma too, not the good kind. So I suppose this relates to my "bad girl!" posting. Whatever I've done in the past must be coming back to me. I'm not liking it one bit. Who ever came up with the saying "Karma's a bitch" knew what they were talking about. Karma is a bitch. You'd think it would force us all to be better people....so that we only get the good kind of Karma. Why is it that we only notice Karma when it's being a bitch? Does Karma only come around to kick us in the ass, step on us till we bleed, then throw salt on us, then rub it in real good and deep?

Theory 2: I'm hallucinating from being too drugged up on cold meds to think straight....

what an f*ing mess

2008-04-08T22:20:00.002-04:00

I think I'm allergic to cleaning. My piles of clothes, junk, food, trash, you name it, has become so overwhelming. I just want to take my life, put it in a trash bag and throw it in the garbage. Only I can't because 5 minutes after doing so, I'll be running around screaming things like "where the f* did my shoe go!" or "what the f* happened to my keys!" or....ok, i think you get the point. So instead I just turn off the lights so I can't make out the mess.

bad girl!

2008-04-04T13:51:00.006-04:00

Sometimes I do bad things that I know I shouldn't do or feel guilty over...but I keep doing them, eventho I know they're bad. Does that make me a bad person? I'd like to believe I'm a good person who just does bad things..sometimes..rarely...hardly ever! :D

I'm running away to China!

2008-04-02T16:20:00.002-04:00

Ok, so i'm not really running away, but I am taking a 2 week trip there at the end of the month. I decided all this today. So off to a travel agent I went, and booked a trip to China. Just like that. As of last night I was having dinner with friends discussing weekend plans, and as of lunch today, I'm going to China.

Kidnapping....

2008-03-31T16:22:00.003-04:00

My job has sent me to the loony bin. Yes, I am blaming all my problems on this place. This place and its hospital-like lighting. This place and its moody ass employees (me included). This place and its overall nonsense that I could care less about. This place and its constant white noise that pumps into the office. This place and its white walls, white trim, and ugly stained "office" carpet. My luck my boss is reading this. DENY DENY DENY will be my best course of action if questioned about this!

Sometimes I fantasize about being kidnapped. That way I wont have to come to work. And no one can be mad at me or blame me for not showing up since I've been abducted!! Only the kidnapper won't hurt me of course. They will be nice to me....provide luxury shelter, gourmet meals, maybe even a spa treatment here and there. So if there are any all inclusive 5 star spa resorts out there that also cater to abducting desperate workers, please respond to this posting! We can arrange to set up a meeting place for the kidnapping to happen ASAP!

The sweet taste of sin

2008-03-28T11:22:00.004-04:00

Growing up, I always wondered why adults drank so much. I never really got what adults found so great about drinking. All I knew is that they always looked as if they had more fun with a drink than without one.
Alcohol smelled awful as a kid. I just couldn't have imagine at the time wanting to consume something that smelled so toxic.

In high school drinking was just something "safe" to experiment with. It was like having one cigarette. You just do it so you can say you tried it and determine for yourself if its something you want to take part in. Cigarettes never caught on for me. And in high school, drinking wasn't much of an interest either. I could handle beer and the occasional wine cooler. But never anything more than that. Then I moved on to college, and like most college students, I drank whatever was cheap and available at the time. It didn't matter so much about how it tasted, just so long as I was tipsy....all was great in the world of being an undergrad.

Now that I'm an adult, I finally get why adults drink so much. For the most part, life sucks! Being 20 something (late 20 something) isn't at all that I thought it'd be. Working the 9-5 (which is really more like a 8-7) grind SUCKS. Drinking has become my only outlet. I mean, what else is going to erase the awful memories of working some job I hate?! And I have a pretty damn good job too. Its not really my job I hate, but the fact that I work to contribute to someone elses dream. Someone elses vision. Not my own. Alcohol does a pretty good job of masking my misery if u ask me. And I'm not talking about the beer and wine coolers I drank in high school. And definitely not the cheap stuff I drank in college. I'm talking the hard stuff, but quality hard stuff, since of course now cost isn't much of an issue. Good quality tequila, vodka, whisky, etc.

Since when did this stuff go from being toxic in my mind, to being the thing that puts a smile on my face? I drink wine like its water; vodka and tequila like its a daily liquid vitamin.
This is what gets me from day to day. Without alcohol, I mean my "water" and "liquid vitamins," I would have jumped off a building or stepped in front of a moving train a long time ago. What has my life come to? Booze to cover up thoughts of offing myself? I don't know how people live like this. I don't know how I live like this. Not for much longer I won't. Change is on its way. I have no choice. Its either change, or off the tipy top of the building i will go....

Lacey!

2008-03-26T19:49:00.005-04:00

I love my dog. And she loves me. Even when I'm having a bad day. Even when I yell at her for peeing on my foot. She still comes over and licks my hand and wags her tail. Why can't people show the same type of love and excitement each time they see you? That would be like asking to be able to apparate. Simply an impossibility!
So here's a picture of my dog. The best dog to ever walk her little doggie paws on this earth.

It was a toss up between posting about my dog and posting about skydiving without a parachute....

adults can run away too, can't we?

2008-03-25T18:51:00.002-04:00

I live my life day by day wishing I could just run away. Wishing I didn't have the everyday responsibilities of life that keep me showing up my job, coming home to run errands, and doing the general robotic moves that get me from day to day. I long for the day when I can turn the robot switch off and start living my life the way I want. When I stop caring about what I "should" be doing and start doing what I "want" to be doing. I long for the day when I stop living my life based on what I've been raised and groomed to do and start living the way I dream it to be. I want to run away, leave this life behind, and start a new one. I want to choose my future, and by future I mean now, the way I choose whether to wear my hair up or down. Forget simply turning the robot switch off. I want to break it to an unrepairable state.

sabra, in cactus form

2008-03-24T14:28:00.007-04:00

Someone once told me that people as a whole are unreliable, and with time, will always let you down. Until recently, I never believed that to be true. I always thought, geeze, what a pessimists that person was. But recently, I have come to learn that people are unreliable, and with time, each and very person will eventually let me down in some way. I'd like to believe that I will continue to open my heart to others, but with my new found awareness, I’m not so sure it’s wise.

Whether it be a family member that doesn’t live up to the expected role they should hold in your life, or the friend who betrays you, or the loved one who leaves you…it’s all the same. Somehow, every single person whom I’ve ever put my trust, dedication, hope, and love into has left me standing alone, at some point in time, left to wonder "what the heck just happened, please let this all be just a dream.” Only it has never been a dream.

Are people only meant to be in our lives temporarily? For a specific purpose? Or life lesson? Is there anyone out there who will ever see beyond my tough prickly exterior and see the beautiful flower that is within me? The soft and caring center that loves unconditionally and wants nothing more than the same in return.